Upsets! More of Round One!

In a battle of wartime contemporaries, Captain America(1) and Neville Chamberlain(16) could not have been more unprepared. When they came to the match, they expected their two great nations to agree on how to handle Hitler. Unfortunately, the patriotically striped hero was all about using his medically enhanced body to kick some serious Nazi tail. Chamberlain wanted a less violent approach. Harsh words between the two allies turned to blows, and Chamberlain was down for the count. It is suspected that Winston Churchill will step in soon and take care of things.

World Regions instructor John Boyer(8) loves America. Why? Because WE'RE RICH! Incidentally, Billy Mays(9) wanted to take that money in a series of manageable payments plus shipping and handling. Boyer didn't take kindly to this, and unleashed some moves he learned from Vlad "The Man" Putin back during the Soviet days. Unfortunately, Mays parried these blows by sending Boyer two roundhouse kicks for the price of one. Rendered unconscious, Boyer was unable to engage and entertain the audience for support, and was yelled to death by Mays' expert salesmanship.

As a former ambassador to the United Nations, Madeleine Albright(12) knew how to handle her adversaries. As a former cute little bunny, the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog(5) had no trouble fooling his opponents with abject adorability. Put off by how cute the Rabbit was, Albright stupidly reached down to pet it, in hopes that she could smother it to death much as she smothered the threat of war in Iraq during the late 1990s. Unfortunately, this failed and she was immediately eviscerated by the Killer Rabbit. Cleanup crews from Fight of the Day are still at work.

Everyone knows that Greg Boone(4), a Hokie football star, doesn't take any trash. It turns out, his intolerance to garbage is not a personal, but a biological condition. In a most unexpected turn of events, Oscar the Grouch(13) managed to decimate the gridiron master by covering him with the refuse of Sesame Street. Boone immediately succumbed to death. Fate was at play today as well - Boone's match versus the vile, green puppet was held in Atlanta, and everyone knows that a Hokie just can't win a competition in the state of Georgia this year.

Today's matches are just as exciting as yesterday's! See Stephen Colbert fight Heejun Choi, Les Stroud take on Socrates, Gollum goes against Steve Jobs, and Ivan the Terrible tries his hand at killing Mother Goose!