You have to admit, the FOTD Selection Committee did a pretty decent job this season. Three of the four #1 seeds made it to the Final Four? But one of them will have to die for another to make it to the Championship against the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog. Who will it be?
East Region Champion James Bond swaggered into the cage with all the machismo given him by his creator, Ian Fleming. True to form, the robot in disguise, Optimus Prime, rolled into the cage with all of the mechanical power and might that is natural for an alien robot in the form of a semi. A standoff of masculinity began between the man and the machine. Fearing that the Autobot was in fact carrying two stolen nuclear warheads for the global terroroist organization SPECTRE, Bond tore of his shirt and for some reason donned scuba gear. In order to portray the human quality of testosterone-driven competition, Prime reciprocated by tearing off his chest plate, inadvertently exposing the Allspark, his source of life. After a few shakes, and no stirs, Bond was able to prepare the perfect martini, which he deftly tossed into the Transformer's open chest cavity, shorting out the Allspark and bringing to an end the magnanimous, benevolent heroism and total awesomeness that was Optimus Prime.
So, will the Killer Bunny of Caerbannog be able to fool James Bond with the fuzzy-and-cute routine, or will the 007's license to kill finally spell the end for the hopping fiend? Who will be the Fight of the Day Champion?
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Rabbits and Kung Fu! Final Four Action
The championship match draws nearer every second! In less than three days the Fight of the Day Champion will be crowned! Read on to see who won't be alive to see who wins!
When Jackie Chan entered the cage for his fight today, he took care not to touch the floor anywhere near the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog's lair. He had seen what had happened to the scores of helpless men that had tried traditional ways of killing the bunny. When it finally came time for the two competitors to engage, Chan alighted on the floor gently, with all of the grace of a feather. The Rabbit didn't even notice. With nothing but his hands for weapons, the drunken master decided to improvise. After digging around in his pockets for a few seconds, he discovered a tissue, which he promptly knotted to make it stronger. The ensuing onslaught against the Killer Rabbit lapsed into slow motion several times, with the bunny's killer teeth barely missing the kung fu master's skin. At the most inopportune moment, Chan was distracted by an audience member quoting one of his innovative action comedies, and the Killer Rabbit made his move, eviscerating the martial arts king before he could hit the ground. Ironically, as the Fight of the Day attendants cleaned up today's match, the PA system began to play a familiar song, sung by today's defeated fighter.
The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog moves on to fight for the Fight of the Day Championship! Who will face him? Will it be Optimus Prime, or James Bond?
When Jackie Chan entered the cage for his fight today, he took care not to touch the floor anywhere near the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog's lair. He had seen what had happened to the scores of helpless men that had tried traditional ways of killing the bunny. When it finally came time for the two competitors to engage, Chan alighted on the floor gently, with all of the grace of a feather. The Rabbit didn't even notice. With nothing but his hands for weapons, the drunken master decided to improvise. After digging around in his pockets for a few seconds, he discovered a tissue, which he promptly knotted to make it stronger. The ensuing onslaught against the Killer Rabbit lapsed into slow motion several times, with the bunny's killer teeth barely missing the kung fu master's skin. At the most inopportune moment, Chan was distracted by an audience member quoting one of his innovative action comedies, and the Killer Rabbit made his move, eviscerating the martial arts king before he could hit the ground. Ironically, as the Fight of the Day attendants cleaned up today's match, the PA system began to play a familiar song, sung by today's defeated fighter.
The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog moves on to fight for the Fight of the Day Championship! Who will face him? Will it be Optimus Prime, or James Bond?
Untimely Elite Eight Results
The Final Four is full! Read on to see who advanced!
The Elite Eight match between Optimus Prime and Sean Connery is one that will go down in the record books, folks. What record did they break, you ask? Well, friends, they broke the record for the quickest match ever. In fact, with Stephen Hawking dead, it was nearly impossible for the official FOTD timekeepers to tell exactly how short the fight was. When the nearly eighty-year-old actor lumbered into the cage, he stopped inside the entrance to catch his breath. There, he was flattened almost instantly by the speeding robot in disguise. By the time Optimus transformed into robot mode, all he had to do was wipe his feet and claim his win.
Stay tuned for the results of the North-West Final Four match, featuring the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog and Jackie Chan!
The Elite Eight match between Optimus Prime and Sean Connery is one that will go down in the record books, folks. What record did they break, you ask? Well, friends, they broke the record for the quickest match ever. In fact, with Stephen Hawking dead, it was nearly impossible for the official FOTD timekeepers to tell exactly how short the fight was. When the nearly eighty-year-old actor lumbered into the cage, he stopped inside the entrance to catch his breath. There, he was flattened almost instantly by the speeding robot in disguise. By the time Optimus transformed into robot mode, all he had to do was wipe his feet and claim his win.
Stay tuned for the results of the North-West Final Four match, featuring the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog and Jackie Chan!
Friday, November 13, 2009
E-LATE Eight Results!
The Nerdfest Dance offered enjoyment and respite from the drudgery of the workweek, but no such relaxation was offered to our fighters! Read on and see who's dancing on who's grave!
Jean Grey levitated herself into the cage today using only her awesome telepathic powers, while James Bond used a flying car. The mutant teacher and X-man went about dismantling the very cage itself while the 007 tried to fight her onslaught. Eventually, using a device provided to him by Q, Bond was able to work his way closer and closer to Grey without being harmed by her physics-defying assault. As he drew closer, more and more of his body parts were removed, making it more and more unlikely that he would be able to pull of the come-from-behind win. However, when Bond was close enough to speak to the seemingly all-powerful mutant, he began to woo her with his undeniable charm. After losing/killing her lover Scott Summers, Grey had been left with the feral desire to appease her primal urges, and when she was presented with an opportunity, she let down her guard for an instant, giving the suave agent just enough time to stab her in the gut, exercising his license to kill.
The final Elite Eight match between Optimus Prime and Sean Connery was a close one! Who do you think pulled out the win for the chance to fight in the Final Four? Tune in tomorrow!
Jean Grey levitated herself into the cage today using only her awesome telepathic powers, while James Bond used a flying car. The mutant teacher and X-man went about dismantling the very cage itself while the 007 tried to fight her onslaught. Eventually, using a device provided to him by Q, Bond was able to work his way closer and closer to Grey without being harmed by her physics-defying assault. As he drew closer, more and more of his body parts were removed, making it more and more unlikely that he would be able to pull of the come-from-behind win. However, when Bond was close enough to speak to the seemingly all-powerful mutant, he began to woo her with his undeniable charm. After losing/killing her lover Scott Summers, Grey had been left with the feral desire to appease her primal urges, and when she was presented with an opportunity, she let down her guard for an instant, giving the suave agent just enough time to stab her in the gut, exercising his license to kill.
The final Elite Eight match between Optimus Prime and Sean Connery was a close one! Who do you think pulled out the win for the chance to fight in the Final Four? Tune in tomorrow!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
This match was just PRECIOUS! Elite Eight Results!
Death! Destruction! Disaster! Details:
Today's Elite Eight match brought to the arena a pair of benevolent creatures turned murderous. The Stoor Hobbit of the River-folk, now known as Gollum, faced off against his foe the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog. While the story of the Rabbit's descent into evil is not widely known, Gollum's struggle with his ownership and pursuit of the One Ring sheds a lot of light on the goings-on of today's match. You see, the Killer Rabbit didn't care that today was Gollum's birthday, and failed to bring a worthy present. This angered the wily creature and he attempted to strangle the Rabbit. Not to be outdone in a killing contest, the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog acted swiftly and chomped down on Gollum's neck. Fortunately for the bunny's progress, he didn't feel the same compassion for Gollum's life that Sam, Frodo, and Bilbo had in the past. Even though the decrepit Stoor Hobbit's life had been stretched out by the powers of the Ring, it came to an abrupt end in a flourish of blood, screams, and white rabbit fur.
It's a hard knock life for the Fight of the Day contestants. Who do you think won the third Elite Eight match? Was it James Bond or Jean Grey? Stay tuned!
Today's Elite Eight match brought to the arena a pair of benevolent creatures turned murderous. The Stoor Hobbit of the River-folk, now known as Gollum, faced off against his foe the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog. While the story of the Rabbit's descent into evil is not widely known, Gollum's struggle with his ownership and pursuit of the One Ring sheds a lot of light on the goings-on of today's match. You see, the Killer Rabbit didn't care that today was Gollum's birthday, and failed to bring a worthy present. This angered the wily creature and he attempted to strangle the Rabbit. Not to be outdone in a killing contest, the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog acted swiftly and chomped down on Gollum's neck. Fortunately for the bunny's progress, he didn't feel the same compassion for Gollum's life that Sam, Frodo, and Bilbo had in the past. Even though the decrepit Stoor Hobbit's life had been stretched out by the powers of the Ring, it came to an abrupt end in a flourish of blood, screams, and white rabbit fur.
It's a hard knock life for the Fight of the Day contestants. Who do you think won the third Elite Eight match? Was it James Bond or Jean Grey? Stay tuned!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
The Elite Eight is under way!
The championship match is rapidly approaching, but which to famed fighters will be there?
The first Elite Eight match of the tournament was held yesterday in Cassell Coliseum, the culminating location of the Fight of the Day 5. Virginia Tech's own Liz Heisler was fired up to fight Jackie Chan, in what could be her last match of the tournament. The martial arts master entered the cage today without a sound, and without being seen, only confirming the fact that he is an actual ninja. Heisler's sick math skills enabled her to calculate Chan's exact coordinates within the cage. With this knowledge, Heisler was able to use her pyromaniac tendencies to her advantage, setting Chan's black belt on fire at the ends. The now-flaming ninja flew at the innocent-looking Hillcrestacean with the intent to strike her upon the equation-filled cranium. He succeeded, splitting Heisler's head open with his powerful flying kick, exploding great music, mathematical genius, and an overwhelming effusion of quality movie choices. A somber mood has fallen around the 2.5 floor near the Fight of the Day headquarters, with many of the Heisler faithful heading outdoors to burn various things in her memory.
Because of Daylight Savings Time, or lack thereof, Fight of the Day has been operating on a less-than-regular schedule. For that reason, the upcoming match between the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog and Gollum has already finished! The administration apologizes for the lack of initiative taken by the commissioner during this time change.
The first Elite Eight match of the tournament was held yesterday in Cassell Coliseum, the culminating location of the Fight of the Day 5. Virginia Tech's own Liz Heisler was fired up to fight Jackie Chan, in what could be her last match of the tournament. The martial arts master entered the cage today without a sound, and without being seen, only confirming the fact that he is an actual ninja. Heisler's sick math skills enabled her to calculate Chan's exact coordinates within the cage. With this knowledge, Heisler was able to use her pyromaniac tendencies to her advantage, setting Chan's black belt on fire at the ends. The now-flaming ninja flew at the innocent-looking Hillcrestacean with the intent to strike her upon the equation-filled cranium. He succeeded, splitting Heisler's head open with his powerful flying kick, exploding great music, mathematical genius, and an overwhelming effusion of quality movie choices. A somber mood has fallen around the 2.5 floor near the Fight of the Day headquarters, with many of the Heisler faithful heading outdoors to burn various things in her memory.
Because of Daylight Savings Time, or lack thereof, Fight of the Day has been operating on a less-than-regular schedule. For that reason, the upcoming match between the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog and Gollum has already finished! The administration apologizes for the lack of initiative taken by the commissioner during this time change.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
The Sweet Sixteen are now the Elite Eight!
Only eight competitors are left alive after today's matches! Who will go on to win the Fight of the Day 5? Read on and see who won't!
The first match of the day saw an old conference rivalry flare back up. Optimus Prime and Stephen Hawking, titans of the Digital Voices Conference faced off to see who would represent the league in the Elite Eight. Both competitors rolled into the cage, Hawking in his wheelchair and the Autobot on his tractor-trailer tires. The match didn't last very long - Hawking's attempts to disprove Optimus Prime's existence through his extensive knowledge of the universe were quickly refuted by a swift flick of the interstellar robot's wrist. Thrown across the cage and hurt badly, Hawking geared his wheelchair up to full throttle and aimed right for Optimus Prime's spark thinking, "If I could just open his chest, I could expose his life-force for the fraud that it is!" As valiant as his effort was, Hawking's flight toward glory was halted by a concussion grenade fired from the Autobot's arm cannons. The explosion forced Hawking to retire from his post at the University of Cambridge, not because he had reached the mandatory retirement age of 68, but because he was now situated around the cage in several thousand pieces.
Once again, Guy Fawkes planned his attack against his opponent well in advance. Immediately upon arriving to the arena, Fawkes once again rigged one side of the cage, cleverly disguised as the Houses of Parliament, to explode. When the time came to blow up Sean Connery, Fawkes was surprised and perplexed to find his opponent hiding alongside him on the safe side of the cage. It turns out, Connery wanted to help in this Gunpowder Plot against the British government in order to fight for Scottish independence. When Fawkes' plan failed, Connery berated him endlessly in a verbal tirade the likes of which has never been seen in the Fight of the Day tournament. Hours of inappropriate comments towards women (specifically Fawkes' mother) and towards the English rebel's own sexuality finally drove Fawkes to suicide. Before he could be cruelly executed by the Scot, he jumped off his hiding place and broke his neck, dying on his own terms rather than Connery's!
Today's match-up between Jackie Chan and Liz Heisler starts off the Elite Eight? Who will move ahead to the Final Four? Find out tomorrow!
The first match of the day saw an old conference rivalry flare back up. Optimus Prime and Stephen Hawking, titans of the Digital Voices Conference faced off to see who would represent the league in the Elite Eight. Both competitors rolled into the cage, Hawking in his wheelchair and the Autobot on his tractor-trailer tires. The match didn't last very long - Hawking's attempts to disprove Optimus Prime's existence through his extensive knowledge of the universe were quickly refuted by a swift flick of the interstellar robot's wrist. Thrown across the cage and hurt badly, Hawking geared his wheelchair up to full throttle and aimed right for Optimus Prime's spark thinking, "If I could just open his chest, I could expose his life-force for the fraud that it is!" As valiant as his effort was, Hawking's flight toward glory was halted by a concussion grenade fired from the Autobot's arm cannons. The explosion forced Hawking to retire from his post at the University of Cambridge, not because he had reached the mandatory retirement age of 68, but because he was now situated around the cage in several thousand pieces.
Once again, Guy Fawkes planned his attack against his opponent well in advance. Immediately upon arriving to the arena, Fawkes once again rigged one side of the cage, cleverly disguised as the Houses of Parliament, to explode. When the time came to blow up Sean Connery, Fawkes was surprised and perplexed to find his opponent hiding alongside him on the safe side of the cage. It turns out, Connery wanted to help in this Gunpowder Plot against the British government in order to fight for Scottish independence. When Fawkes' plan failed, Connery berated him endlessly in a verbal tirade the likes of which has never been seen in the Fight of the Day tournament. Hours of inappropriate comments towards women (specifically Fawkes' mother) and towards the English rebel's own sexuality finally drove Fawkes to suicide. Before he could be cruelly executed by the Scot, he jumped off his hiding place and broke his neck, dying on his own terms rather than Connery's!
Today's match-up between Jackie Chan and Liz Heisler starts off the Elite Eight? Who will move ahead to the Final Four? Find out tomorrow!
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