Untimely Elite Eight Results

The Final Four is full! Read on to see who advanced!

The Elite Eight match between Optimus Prime and Sean Connery is one that will go down in the record books, folks. What record did they break, you ask? Well, friends, they broke the record for the quickest match ever. In fact, with Stephen Hawking dead, it was nearly impossible for the official FOTD timekeepers to tell exactly how short the fight was. When the nearly eighty-year-old actor lumbered into the cage, he stopped inside the entrance to catch his breath. There, he was flattened almost instantly by the speeding robot in disguise. By the time Optimus transformed into robot mode, all he had to do was wipe his feet and claim his win.

Stay tuned for the results of the North-West Final Four match, featuring the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog and Jackie Chan!